We are in his room. And…I am in his room. I have butterflies like I never had on stage. I have a fair amount of alcohol on-board, not out of control, enough to take the edge off the fear. He looks gently expectant.
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He has been on hormones for 8 years so his growth down there was pretty developed. Apart from the physical side, the emotional side can be pretty intense. A lot of pre-surgery trans people have issues around dysphoria during sex, and this stopped sex dead in its tracks a few times for us. That was a bit awkward, and it made me feel like shit afterward. Overall, even though he had female genitals, it was pretty much just like being with a cis guy physically. It is different because of different hardware, but still quite enjoyable. She cums from anal quite a bit, and I enjoy it as well.
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But it did and when I woke up, my eyes immediately filled up with tears. Even though I just went through such a major ordeal, I had never have felt so painless as I did when I realized I was at one with my body. A what-used-to-be-a-penis and was constructed into a vagina. Twelve months have passed now and every day is a new, exciting experience for me, although nothing compares to those first few minutes. I think I watched too much porn when I was younger or I stared up too many dresses of Barbies.
So much of my energy was spent working on and talking about becoming a woman in the world that I spent very little time actually being one. Dating pre-op was its own adventure. When I started my transition I became suddenly aware of the new sexual economy afforded to me: The world is full of hot straight guys who want to get fucked by chicks with dicks.